Open Letter, from an Open Therapist
To everyone living with and newly diagnosed with a dissociative disorder,
We feel you. We hear you. We have had similar experiences. The feels shift with time, as you become more and more open with the totality of who you are. We know it's difficult to believe that it can and will get easier, and yet it does.
The shame and guilt you feel doesn't belong to you. It belongs to others who aren't worth even being named. We know, from feeling those feelings, and discovering that those feelings were projected onto us.
You aren't alone. There is a sea of understanding, loving, safe individuals in the world. We get, first hand, looking into the mirror and having no clue who you are looking at. Those moments get easier and easier as you experience being connected to the body.
We remember how it feels to walk a step behind your body and not understand why you were walking into a room. Be patient with yourself. The experience smooths out a bit.
We understand the fear and constant thought loop of "what's next." The unconscious mind is just helping you make sense of experiences that you can't remember easily, or feel depersonalized from.
We remember feeling misunderstood and angry because of that. In time, and with support, you'll learn to manage those feelings. We also remember feeling terrified of the first individual who saw us for who we are; wounded, hurting, and in need. There are others who are secure, calm, informed and recognize you, as you.
"When did I get this?", the standard for folks like us. We can tell you that there are clear ways and resources that can help manage this really startling phenomenon of discovering something you don't even like to eat in the freezer.
We share this in hopes of providing comfort for those who need it; those who know these experiences. You are not alone in any form or fashion!